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Saturday, June 26, 2010

Why do I speak before thinking?

So what do you do when your best friend of 24 years decides she no longer wants to talk to you because you are "judgemental."  O, my heart hurts right now.  She is my one friend that I could talk to that no matter how much time went by between phone calls, we would just pick up where we left off.  We have history, deep kindred spirits.  Over the years we both have gone through our struggles but the one thing that was beginning to get blurry was that I was choosing to walk my life out with the Lord while she was beginning to make decisions that were not so much in line with God's Word.  I can't really tell you the details but I talked to her today and unintentionally let my words sting her.  I truly didn't mean for them to.  She was wanting some advice and prayer and I told her that it was hard to tell her what I thought she should do because we had different values.  Okay, okay, so if you knew the details of the situation you would definitely tell me that my words were flaming arrows to an already wounded heart.  My downfall is when things seem black and white to me, I tend to just say what I feel. Although what she was wanting advise on was undeniably against God's Word, I could have chosen to rely on the Spirit to respond.

Why do I do this?  I even had a quiet time today about going to the Lord before responding to a situation and asking Him to give you the words to say.  Why did I just blurt out hurting words that, to be honest with you, did seem judgemental at the time.  What hurts the most is...that after all these years she is choosing to believe that I am judgemental instead looking back over the history we have together to gather her opinions about me.  In one fell swoop, I managed to break up a 24 year old friendship.

My prayer now is that God would use this in both of our lives to teach us more about Him and draw us closer to Him and closer as friends.  I have learned that I can tend to be harsh in my delivery instead of being gentle and kind and lovingly sharing the truth.  I need to take the time to say, "okay God, you know how I feel, but what is TRUTH and how do I deliver it in such a way that reveals You and Your gentle and loving heart." 

And do you know that my first reaction after the heart-wrenching text (yes, this was all over texting) was that I was "right" and she was so wrong to even think such a thing.  So gross for me to even admit but it is true.  Pride at its best! 

To bring true restoration, I must admit my part and ask her to forgive me.   

"Lord, you know my heart and You know the deep love I have for __________.  I pray that you would put Your healing hand on our friendship and make known Your wonderful and awesome character of love and forgiveness.  I pray that this one comment I made would not ruin a 24 year old friendship but would be a platform for revealing who YOU truly are.  I ask for forgiveness for thinking that I was in the right and justifying why I said what I did.  Lord I pray Proverbs 3:6, that in all my ways I would acknowledge you and you would make my path straight.  Show me the next step to take in this situation.  Be the guard over my tongue.  Bring restoration!"    Thank you that Your steadfast love never ceases and Your mercies never come to an end             ~In Jesus name, amen.

Not perfect, but being perfected!

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