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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

My Life is Not My Own

The Lord is dealing with my heart.  It is almost as if I can feel it being molded.  I can feel it...and it hurts!  It is good...but it uncomfortable!

I hate to admit it, but there was a time when I settled into this thing called "life" and just wanted comfort.  I wanted the cute house with the white picket fence.  I wanted to just settle into "life" and put a bubble around my little family and just "be."

But what the Lord has been revealing to me over the last 2 years is that my life is not my own.  It is to be lived for Him.  I was created by Him and for Him.  I have come to realize that my life is not satisfied unless I am living it for Him... and not for myself!

I remember VERY clearly the Lord calling me to serve Him...and He gave me a very specific calling of ministering to college women.  I was 23 years old but I felt it very deeply!  I was on mission for HIM.  I poured everything that I was into seeking out and reaching women on the college campus.  I LOVED every minute of it!

But through the years, marriage and children and hearache and death and disappointments began to deter me from my passion.  It is not that those things in themselves are bad.  They just are...things that happen in life!  But I think what happened is...with each circumstance I allowed myself to believe the lie that I was not called anymore.  I even began to think, and what I think so many think even today, that I was to just be a good Christian and follow His precepts and make sure my family was walking with the Lord but I was not one to be "a missionary" anymore.

But what the Lord has revealed to me is rocking my world a bit.  In a good way!  I was in ministry with a Christian organization for 5 1/2 years but I have never experienced the gospel like I have in the past year.  I am embarrassed to admit that I am just now putting together how the gospel is HIS STORY throughout the Bible and how our lives fit in that bigger story.  It is the redemptive story that is woven throughout the Old and New Testament.  It is amazing!  It is my story....our story...your story.  And as I truly LISTEN to people and hear where there lives have been hurt and how they have turned from God or how they are not living TRULY satisfied in Him....I am seeing HIS STORY revealed!!  His redemptive story in each of our smaller stories!

I no longer want the white picket fence....or the comfort this world has to offer.  I want more of HIM!  I want to be a part of what He is doing in the lives of His people.  I don't want to sit on the side lines anymore!  I was called at 23 years old..I am called NOW...and I am on mission NOW!!

Let's not forget that there is a day when our precious Lord Jesus Christ is coming back for His people. 
"And then they will see THE SON of MAN coming in clouds with great power and glory.  And then he will send forth the angels, and will gather together His elect from the four winds, from the farthest end of the earth, to the farthest end of heaven."  Mark 13:26-27

Parker and I were talking about this just the other day and he said, "like a holy army?"  And then Tan Tan (Tanner) and I were discussing heaven one day last week and he said, "Oh mommy, I am so excited to see Heaven.  I can hardly wait!  I am so excited I can't stop smiling!"  It brought tears to my eyes because my 4 year old was eagerly awaiting Jesus' return. 

And even in the sweet moment...I thought to myself, "Lord is it real?" 

And the reason I thought that?....Because I am not living my life as if it were REAL to me!! 

My life is not my own!  I am living it for Him!  And there IS a better place where there is no tears, hurt, death, disappointments....It is called "HEAVEN!" And it is where we will spend eternity with HIM, the One in whom we eargerly await!

I have added a "Resource" tab to give you some resources to help you as you are on mission for Him.  Go for it!  We are here to spur one another on to good deeds.  Who is in your life right now that you could LISTEN to?  A lot of times we want to throw the Bible at them before we even HEAR them.  I challenge you this week to just LISTEN to someone God has placed in your life.  Listen for how theire lives connect to the Bigger story.  You will be amazed!

Can't wait to share more!


1 comment:

Jill H said...

Hey Kerry. Saw your link on FB and decided to check out your blog. I can so resonate with this post. I think as moms it becomes so much more difficult to think of anything other than the groceries, meals, drs appts, laundry, refereeing our kids, etc. Honestly, I am still in funk of recognizing the tension, but so not on the other side yet. Thanks for your honesty. I really hope and pray that God reveals and renews His purpose and plan for me soon. I sure need it! :-)