One of the things I have been struggling with lately is the pressure to "stay on top of things." I can't even tell you how hard it is to remember every little detail...boys homework, school activities, school fees due, sign this form, sign that form, this field trip, that field trip, this program, that program, volunteering in each class, reading at least 20 minutes a night x2, trying to remember to buy the boys their favorite snack they have been asking for, trying to keep up with dentist appointments, eye appointments, etc. And add on top of that...the most important thing...making sure, in all things, that I am leading them to pursue the Lord.
Oh man! How I feel like a failure a lot of the time.
It's kind of like the night I forgot that Tanner's Career Day was the next day. I tried my hardest to play if off like I remembered but the fact was....I had NOTHING!
Tanner was a trooper though. We walked around to each closet trying to come up with something that somewhat resembled a Farmer. And here is what my sweet boy come up with....
He even put my boots on and stuffed his shirt with cotton and grabbed a few pine needles on the way out of the door in the morning to put in his shirt pocket for "hay." Amazing!
Even though it all came together in the end, I still hate not being "on top of things." But what the Lord is teaching me is to see myself the way He sees me.
The Lord has been so gracious to speak to me through my friends. I have been loved like I have never experienced love before. So very thankful for the sweet people the Lord has placed in my life to love on me.
But one person in particular spoke to my heart...My son, Parker!
One of the things that both of my boys love to do is cuddle with me. It is not something we do every day. Every so often I will get a "mommy will you cuddle with me?" Usually this is just sitting together on the couch as I wrap my arms around them.
When I cuddle with Parker, as he snuggles up to me and gives a sigh of relief, I will ask him..."Why do you love mommy so much?"
And his reply is always without fail..."because you are beautiful!"
Boom! I have just come to realize what he is actually saying.
It's not because "I am on top of things." It's not because of any physical attribute I may have (he's only 9 and doesn't think ANYONE is physically attractive).
He thinks I am beautiful! Everything that encompasses "who I am!" He accepts me as a mom who has many flaws but who seeks to honor the Lord in all things. My life is BEAUTIFUL to him!
My boys have seen the worst side of me. They have seen a woman lose it over the smallest things. They have seen a woman forget school events. They have seen a woman who accidentally puts lunchable pizza and yogurt in Tanner's lunch box and lunchable chicken and cheese crackers in Parker's lunch box with grapes and carrots. If you know Parker at all....this is a no no. But instead of getting upset, they laughed at their silly mom and want to know "why" I did that. Like I was trying to trick Parker into eating healthy. :) NO...I was just plain silly!
Isn't it great to be fully known and still fully loved!
If you ever want to know why you are loved....It's because you are BEAUTIFUL! Wonderfully created by an Almighty Creator. Created for an Eternal purpose! Loved because of who you are. Your life is beautiful to Him! Don't you dare let anyone else tell you any different!
I may not be "on top of things" in the worlds eyes. My desire is not to be "perfect"....but to be perfected in Christ! At the end of the day....it's not "what did I get done" but "did I end well."
I may not read a Bible story every night and we may forget to pray before we eat....but one thing I pray...that they will see the God I serve and be drawn to know Him and love Him and KNOW that they are BEAUTIFUL to Him!