"Kerry, I don't think you know this...but there are a lot of people who love you," one friend said to me. And then a few days later...another friend, "I hope you know that you are loved by a lot of people."
My statement back to them was, "yeah, I know." But the more I think about it, I truly think that the Lord was using them to speak to my heart because HE knows that Kerry doesn't feel loved.
How could one go through what I am going through and possibly feel loved?
Satan has his way of digging up bones and throwing them in my face saying, "See, you are not lovable. All this is happening to you because you made bad choices in your past. Remember when you were 15 years old and you ran away for a week and almost gave your parents a heart attack...remember how many times your dad had to bail you out of trouble in High School...remember the bad bad decisions that proceeded even after you came to know the One you call your saviour? You are not worthy of such good things!"
And sometimes my heart wants to chime in and say, "Aw, I knew it....nothing good would ever happen to this tarnished woman. Why did I ever think it would?"
I mean, I have walked with the Lord for almost 24 years now and I STILL buy into the LIES sometimes! This particular circumstance has caused insecurities to pop up...my past to haunt me! And I just want to run and hide!
I was reading about someone else who wanted to run away. Hagar!
Brief summary of the story:
Sarai thinks God has prevented her from having a baby so she gives her servant, Hagar, to Adam to bear a child for her. When Hagar realizes that she has conceived ,she despises Sarai. Sarai becomes upset with this and treats Hagar harshly so Hagar runs away.
The Lord finds Hagar by a well and speaks truth to her and reminds her of the bigger Story!
And this is my favorite...
"So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, 'You are a God of seeing,' for she said, 'Truly here I have see him who looks after me.'" ~Genesis 16:13
Such encouragement for this wounded heart! "You are a God of seeing." I can not hide from God because I was created by Him and for Him. My life is laid before him. He knows it ALL and He still pursues me! He comes looking for me to bring me back into the Story!
And...Gently ever so gently reminding me of TRUTH to combat the LIES! He says to my weary soul, "Look Kerry, I have created you for greatness. This is just another stepping stone to get you there. Trust me! I have something planned for you that you would not believe even if I told you right now."
And then scripture comes...
"Like an open book, you watch me grow from conception to birth, all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day." ~Psalm 139:16 The Message
"I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep." ~John 10:14
"Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you..." ~Isaiah 43:4
"...to grant to those who mourn in Zion-to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified." ~Isaiah 61:3
I AM loved!
I am known completely!
I am precious in His eyes, and honored!
This too will be redeemed!
So today the Lord has used sweet sweet friends (the body of Christ) to remind me that I am loved by many with the Love of Jesus Christ! True Love! People who see me the way Christ does and who champion me to be who God has created me to be!
Thanks sweet friends! I pray that I would be able to encourage you with the same encouragement I have been given!