One of the things that I have been processing lately is my parenting. And what I have come to realize is....I am parenting the way I think others think I should parent instead of the way the Lord is leading me to parent.
Let me explain. I am a people pleaser and a perfectionist. NOT A GOOD COMBINATION! The last thing I want people to think about me is that I am a "horrible mother." So...what I tend to do is take on every advise or look around at what others are doing and I "do." But you know what? Just "doing" is not changing my kiddos hearts. God created everyone VERY different and what works for one child does not work for the other.
I hate to admit that I used to me "one of those" who would sit in judgement when a child would be out of control. I would think, "If their parents would just (fill in the blank), then they wouldn't act that way. Give me one day with that child and I will show them!" Please tell me I am not the only hypocrite out there!!!
But now, after having one of "those kids," I realize that there is not a formula to cause obedience from our children. There is not a formula because formulas don't take into account that everyone is different, unique. But what we do have is....GOD!! God is our creator! He is the one that made each one of us. So He knows what will work!!
"Come let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for he is our God and we are the people of his pasture, the flock under his care." ~Psalm 95:6,7
So what I am learning to do (and I say learning because I still struggle with this) is not to worry about those around me but to pour out my heart to God and ask him to show me how to guide Parker and Tanner to obedience and ultimately draw them into His loving arms.
Now, I am not saying that we shouldn't seek advise from our believing friends. But what I don't need to do is to "do" just because that is what others are doing. I need to bring that advise to the Lord, our Creator, and say, "Lord will this work for Parker or Tanner?" I get lots of wonderful ideas from wonderful books, friends, blogs, etc. But my personality is to say, "Oh good, if I just do this, then_________."
Well.....I am here to tell you that "just doing" doesn't work. My sweet Parker has taught me that. He is such a gentle spirit but a hard nut to crack. Very deep, very complicated. I am very thankful for Parker because he has reminded me that I need to be on my knees asking his CREATOR how to minister to his soul.
So, I want you to know that any advise you read on this blog is not for everyone. Pray about it, ask the Lord to show you if the advise is something that will work for your family. Now, there definitely are basic principles that we all need to apply across the board. But weather or not you should let your children watch Star Wars is not one of them. :)
"One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike; Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord." ~Romans 14:5-6
Whatever you do, do it as unto the Lord. And let's not judge one anothers heart.
Dear friends, I am sharing this with you today because this is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. I have learned to give more grace when I see a mother struggling to keep her child under control. So many times I have beat myself up thinking that I had done something wrong along the parenting road and that is why my children act the way they do. Was is because I wasn't mentally there for them when my mom lived with us? Was I neglecting my children as I took care of my sick mother? Did I traumatize them when I yelled at them. What about that one time I grabbed Parker's arm real hard. Did I scare him for life. Will he always resent me for that? What about TV? Do I let them watch too much TV? Are they learning this stuff on TV? Where is the root of it??? Where, where, where, I want to fix it!!
And what I hear the Lord telling me today is....."Whatever you do, do it unto Me and I will fill in the gaps. There is grace in parenting. Just follow me."
You know the truth is, people may think that I am a bad parent. But what matters to me is what God thinks about my parenting! And God thinks I am a rock star!
Lord Jesus, help me be a rock star mom for YOU today!