Technologically Challenged

                           

I picked up two books at the Christian Bookstore the other day. One is called, From Tablet to Table by Leonard Sweet. The other is called Tech Savvy Parenting, Navigating Your Child's Digital Life by Brian Housman. I have three boys!!  Count them. 1...2...3.  I was unaware of the challenges technology would bring into our household.  Whether you have girls or boys, young or old, I'm sure you can relate. Phones, iPhones, iPads, iPods, gaming systems, computers, reading tablets, etc. If you collected all these in your home, how many would you have?  It was very humbling for me!

The problem is not the electronics themselves. I mean, I am typing on one of our iPads right now. The problem comes when our children don't notice the world around them because they are sucked into a world where they can create a totally different identity because no one has to "really" know them or even see their face. I mean, let's face it, they are given electronics at an age when they are struggling to shape their identity. They don't know who they are so they are easily influenced.

At this point you may feel judged because you feel you're slacking in this area....or maybe you're feeling overly confident that you have this one under control.....but we all would be kidding ourselves if we didn't acknowledge the fact that there are even grown adults handling electronics who don't know who they are and who are going through an identity crisis. When we don't know our true identity in Christ, we will allow all the other voices in our world tell us who we are.

So, this is not a post about gathering up all your electronics and locking them in a closet. It's about redirecting your children (and yourself ) to "the table," which is Jesus! He is the only One who knows them completely and has complete authority to speak into their hearts about who they are...He created them!! Leonard Sweet says in his book From Tablet to Table, "to come to the table is to learn to be our real selves - not some construct conceived by someone else, but who God made us to be. Each one of us must choose to be ourselves, but none of us dine alone. We don't sit at the table by ourselves, but are surrounded, encouraged, and sometimes propped up by parents, patrons, partners, pastors, prayers, Paraclete - those who we see when we look around."

But if we don't take the time to put our tablets down, we will miss the opportunity to speak into our children's lives at the table. Not only that, we will miss the opportunity to connect our stories to the
Bigger Story!!  Jesus used the table to teach his disciples. When you see Jesus reclining at the table he's not scrolling through Facebook on his iPad. He is engaged with those around him, teaching, connecting the stories of those seated at the table to the gospel story. What if we did that with our children?  With our neighbors? Those in our community?  Whether at home or dining out, we can make our table a place of sharing our hearts, our stories, and encouraging one another along the journey. And we can be the voice that speaks to them about who they are and who they belong to--a God who loves them and has an amazing plan for them.

Since Tablets have invaded the Table in our society today, we need to be aware of what our children are being exposed to. Brian Housman lays out everything you need to know about understanding your child's online activities in his book Tech Savvy Parents. He has step by step guides on how to set restrictions on iPhones and iPods, Facebook privacy controls and much more. It's a must read for those wanting to be proactive in protecting their children from the dangers of having too much accessible to them too early. Housman talks about the process of helping your child make wise choices,... "The end goal is a character of integrity and responsibility that your teen takes with them to college and beyond when you are no longer there to make hard choices for him." It's not about snooping or being a joy-kill. It's about setting age appropriate boundaries until they are able to make mature decision themselves.  

We don't have all this down. Believe me, we are far from perfect. Our boys still belch at the table when we're trying to have a serious conversation.  Craig and I get distracted and slack and have to keep reminding ourselves of the boundaries we have set for each child on their electronics. We can tend to be reactive parents  at times instead of proactive parents. But one thing is for sure...we want nothing more than to teach our boys to honor the Lord in all they do and say and to love others. Hopefully somehow that's coming out in our parenting. 

I know that it is very hard to gather your family around the table. We are lucky if we get three nights together. And once we've gotten them all to sit down together, two minutes hasn't even gone by before one pops up to say, "I'm done" and they head off to their electronics (another reason for limiting electronic time). But try to start small with maybe one meal together for 15 minutes and then slowly increase.  However you can gather them, gather!  And then once you come to the table, "taste and see that the Lord is good!" [Psalm 34:8]

-kerry

Breaking the Silence

It has been 2 years! A lot has happened over the years and I wasn't sure if I'd ever blog again. But I love to write and I knew I would do it in some form again some day. I thought about starting a whole new blog all together but I could never come up with a new name and content.  So I took it as a sign that it just wasn't time yet.  I didn't want to force anything...So I waited!  And I am so glad I did.  Instead of starting something new and different, I felt the Lord nudging me to continue what I started...new, but being transformed!

You see...three years ago, I had a different last name, living in an apartment with my two boys, going through one of the most difficult life changes to date.... A Divorce!!  I was still blogging at the time but it was more therapeutic than anything. I worked really hard at not divulging too much info and keeping it centered on God. But two years ago I stopped blogging all together. Life was complicated and I truly felt unworthy to keep writing. There were days I would wake up and think, "who am I to impart any kind of wisdom to anyone?"  I definitely couldn't post anything about marriage or parenting because I felt that I had failed at both. I had a failed marriage and I definitely wasn't winning any "mommy of the year" awards.

But here I stand today, still inadequate apart from God but wanting to finish the work He has started [click on the "Why This Blog" tab to learn more].  I am so glad I didn't abandon the blog "New Mercies 4 U!"  I can testify that He really does give you new mercies each day...mercies afresh...mercies He is building on. You see, although we are given new mercies, it doesn't mean we forget the last set of mercies. Use them! Use them to tell your story and to proclaim the never stopping faithfulness of our sweet savior and friend!

Today my life looks different. I have been married to my precious God-send for almost 1.5 years. You can click on the "About Me" tab to learn a little more about him. But words don't do justice in describing this sweet man. He loves people well and is the most unselfish person I know. He is the perfect example of Christ to me!  And the perfect picture of "new mercies," the faithfulness of our covenant God. My life's journey has been long and hard at times but I can say without a doubt that God is faithful!

So today, I start back at "New Mercies 4 U!" It will be a little bit of everything to encourage "U" in "4" areas...Spiritual, Mental, Emotional, and Physical. Who knows, you might read a post or two written by my sweet hubby. There will be posts about cooking, traveling, decorating, fitness, health, marriage, parenting, and more.  But before you get anxious, let me just say...anything shared on here is to encourage you to tap into the fullness of who God created you to be...NOT to cause anxiety that you aren't doing anything right. And if at any time you start to feel that nudge that you are not enough (as I do sometimes), remember..."The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning!"

Happy Blogging and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

"Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." ~Luke 2:10, 11

As I sit here listening to Christmas music and looking at the Christmas tree I am flooded with memories growing up.  There was something about Christmas that just made my heart come alive.  I can remember as a little girl laying under the Christmas tree looking up through the branches and seeing the blinking colored lights. Oh, how I could sit there for hours just dreaming.  And then there was the fun traditional things we would do as a family....Santa Land, Carol of the Lights at Texas Tech, driving through neighborhoods looking at lights.  I looked forward to it every year as a child.  And now as a grown woman with 2 boys, I have recreated some traditions of our own.  To be honest with you I think I  look forward to it more than the boys.

Today I find myself in a very different place. Although I still enjoy everything that the Christmas Season has to offer, I am reminded today of what Christmas is all about. And before I sound too spiritual, let me just say...what the Lord has reminded me of today has come through many tears and a very hard journey.  I could feel very alone this Christmas but the Lord has so graciously reminded me that I am NEVER alone.  He has been with me from the very beginning!

I have been reading Genesis in my quiet-times and I came across scripture that was like an "Ah Ha" moment for me especially during this Christmas Season.  It is simply this...In the Garden of Eden God made a covering for Adam and Eve after they sinned.  He made them "garments of skins and clothed them."  There was blood shed from the animals that had to die to cover Adam and Eve.  This is the picture which was already set in motion of what was to come.  JESUS!  To cover our sins and give us LIFE! The pursuit to bring us back into the intimate relationship that was experienced in the garden before sin entered in.

"I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness: I made a vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord God, and you became mine." ~Ezekiel 16:8

The nakedness we feel is the awareness of our sin.  We are so aware of the evil intentions of our heart that we want to hide.  But we can't hide from God.  God actually seeks us out to cover us and give us a promise that He will never leave us. Again, JESUS! WOW!  What a great God!

The sad thing is, there are so many people who are living defeated lives because of the guilt and shame they feel from their sins.  John Piper said it best when he said, "The great tragedy here is that people can become so paralyzed by sin that they give up living the lives God called them to live."

So my prayer this Christmas is for you to remember what it truly means that  "For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." We are given a covering over our sins and we are given a new life in Christ.  Live under the covering!!  Don't get out of the cover!! That is what is for.  It takes the sin of man a puts it on the One who came into this world to be a sacrifice for all who would believe.  Jesus IS the cover!!

So as I sit here this Christmas Season listening to Christmas music, I am remembering all the great things God has done for me.  It's only through life with Christ that I can say...although the journey has been rough at times, it has transformed me more into His image as I follow the one who is the "the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature."

My prayer is that I too would be the "exact imprint of His nature" even in the hard places.

Merry Christmas my sweet friends! So thankful for all of you!

~kerry

Perfect? Or Perfected?

One of the things I have been struggling with lately is the pressure to "stay on top of things."  I can't even tell you how hard it is to remember every little detail...boys homework, school activities, school fees due, sign this form, sign that form, this field trip, that field trip, this program, that program, volunteering in each class, reading at least 20 minutes a night x2, trying to remember to buy the boys their favorite snack they have been asking for, trying to keep up with dentist appointments, eye appointments, etc.  And add on top of that...the most important thing...making sure, in all things, that I am leading them to pursue the Lord.

Oh man! How I feel like a failure a lot of the time.

It's kind of like the night I forgot that Tanner's Career Day was the next day.  I tried my hardest to play if off like I remembered but the fact was....I had NOTHING!

Tanner was a trooper though.  We walked around to each closet trying to come up with something that somewhat resembled a Farmer.  And here is what my sweet boy come up with....

He even put my boots on and stuffed his shirt with cotton and grabbed a few pine needles on the way out of the door in the morning to put in his shirt pocket for "hay."  Amazing!

Even though it all came together in the end, I still hate not being "on top of things." But what the Lord is teaching me is to see myself the way He sees me.

The Lord has been so gracious to speak to me through my friends.  I have been loved like I have never experienced love before.  So very thankful for the sweet people the Lord has placed in my life to love on me.

But one person in particular spoke to my heart...My son, Parker!

One of the things that both of my boys love to do is cuddle with me.  It is not something we do every day.  Every so often I will get a "mommy will you cuddle with me?"  Usually this is just sitting together on the couch as I wrap my arms around them.

When I cuddle with Parker, as he snuggles up to me and gives a sigh of relief, I will ask him..."Why do you love mommy so much?"

And his reply is always without fail..."because you are beautiful!"

Boom!  I have just come to realize what he is actually saying.

It's not because "I am on top of things."  It's not because of any physical attribute I may have (he's only 9 and  doesn't think ANYONE is physically attractive).

He thinks I am beautiful!  Everything that encompasses "who I am!"  He accepts me as a mom who has many flaws but who seeks to honor the Lord in all things.  My life is BEAUTIFUL to him!

My boys have seen the worst side of me. They have seen a woman lose it over the smallest things.  They have seen a woman forget school events.  They have seen a woman who accidentally puts lunchable pizza  and yogurt in Tanner's lunch box and lunchable chicken and cheese crackers in Parker's lunch box with grapes and carrots.  If you know Parker at all....this is a no no.  But instead of getting upset, they laughed at their silly mom and want to know "why" I did that.  Like I was trying to trick Parker into eating healthy. :)  NO...I was just plain silly!

Isn't it great to be fully known and still fully loved!

If you ever want to know why you are loved....It's because you are BEAUTIFUL! Wonderfully created by an Almighty Creator.  Created for an Eternal purpose! Loved because of who you are.  Your life is beautiful to Him!  Don't you dare let anyone else tell you any different!

I may not be "on top of things" in the worlds eyes.  My desire is not to be "perfect"....but to be perfected in Christ!  At the end of the day....it's not "what did I get done" but "did I end well."

I may not read a Bible story every night and we may forget to pray before we eat....but one thing I pray...that they will see the God I serve and be drawn to know Him and love Him and KNOW that they are BEAUTIFUL to Him!

Me Being REAL!

I have been praying about what to post.  I have been pondering this for days. The Lord has laid something on my heart.  I don't know if it will even resignate with anyone but I heard the Lord say,  "be REAL, tell them your STORY!"

People will ask me sometimes, "So tell me more about you. What is your story?"  If you know my story at all you know that is loaded question.  But what are they really asking?...What do they really want to know?  Where I grew up?...Who my parents are?...Do I have siblings?...Where I went to college? etc.....

There are several things we can share to reveal more about us like...what we like to do, where we grew up, where we work, our favorite foods, favorite vacation spots, etc.  And while all these things are interesting and can help us understand a person a little more, it doesn't really expose a person at the heart level. 

I LOVE to get to know people.  I ask a bazillion questions. What I really want to hear is someones heart! So my questions begin to move more into what I call, "the uncomfortable questions."  I remember discipling girls on the college campus and I would spend some time getting to know them and then I would blow their minds when "the uncomfortable questions" came out.  Blank stares...but after digging deep, instant bonding would happen every time!!!  Thinking of those girls now brings a smile to my face.   :)  I love those girls for allowing me in their lives. As they shared more and more and I asked more questions I was able to see the STORY in their lives unfold...seeing the circumstances that the Lord allowed in their lives to draw them closer to Him.  The puzzle was becoming clearer to me. 

I think the reason I have been having trouble thinking of something to blog about lately is because my life has taken a major detour.  I am in a situation now where I no longer feel equipped or adequate to post anything of encouragement to anyone. My heart has always been ministry and discipleship and then all of a sudden...the reality of leading a single mom life hits me.  So you can imagine my face when I heard the Lord asking me to be REAL....blank stare!  Me?

This is where I get very vulnerable. When I started this blog it was for the purpose of encouraging others with my life in hopes of leading others to the Precious One I serve....JESUS!  Now my thought is..."who in their right mind would want to listen to me?" 

But God, in His ever so gentle way of handling my fragile heart, reminds me that this too is part of the STORY!  He says to me, "Don't stop telling the story....the story is not over yet!" 

So it would be remiss of me [lacking care or attention to duty: negligent, neglectful] to not include the detour.

I could go on posting as if I was not in my current situation and make it "pretty."  But God has called me to be REAL and I pray that through it you will be encouraged to know that a broken person like me can still stand strong and say with great faith that I have a God who loves and adores me and has had His affection on me since before the foundation of the world.  None of this is a surprise to Him!

But the truth is...I still have great fears that I have to bring before the throne of grace.  The truth is...I fear the future.  The truth is...I am learning in a new and fresh way what it means to be the woman that God created me to be.  The truth is...God is not done with me yet!

I give you fair warning...in my posts you will hear my heart!!

Might be boring to you.  But you can't say I didn't warn you!

~kerry

It's Time!

For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."  ~Isaiah 41:13

FEAR NOT!!  Easier said than done!

But what I am finding out in my life is that I have let fear dominate.  So in essence I have allowed Satan to control me.  He has had a hold on my life.  He has used lies to keep me in fear!! And the sad part is...he has used those I cherished most to speak these lies to me. 

The lie that Satan would keep using with me would usually start with, "You don't deserve..(anything good)" 

And in the words of a very wise mentor..."Satan is NOT creative. He will keep using the same lie over and over again."

There was a lie that enterend into my life as a little girl and Satan continued to play on this very lie.  I can't even tell you how many times I battled the LIE.  I think I knew in my head that it was a lie but my heart would just sink back into guilt and shame.  And Satan is the master manipulator and truth twister! And as a result of listening to the lies, I underreacted to the circumstances around me...I responded passively to life because I felt that I "deserved it."

But what God is saying to me today is..."It is time!" 
~It is time to experience abundant life
~It is time to live in TRUTH
~It is time to stop taking the safe road for fear of making unnecesarry waves
~It is time to grow into the woman God has created me to be....gracious yet firm!
~It is time to take all the spritual deposits God has placed in my heart along the journey and make them REAL!

So why am I sharing all this today?

I know that there are women and men out there that struggle with this VERY thing!  And I want to encourage you to really begin to ask the Lord for what that lie might look like for you.  Because I can tell you from experience that Satan's very "uncreative lie" will have a huge affect on the rest of your life if you don't take the power back!  And if you are a child of God, you have POWER...His name is JESUS!

But I do more than thank.  I ask- ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory- to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do, grasp the immensity of this glorious way of life he has for his followers, oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him- endless energy, boundless strength! ~ Eph. 1:17-19 (The Message)

Endless energy, boundless strengh- POWER!

Stand firm! Be Courageous!  This means war!  And if you don't go in the strength of the Lord you will lose everytime!  Believe me...I have been there. And it is not a place you want to stay.  God has something for each of us and Satan wants to keep us from grasping it.  GO GET IT!  IT IS YOURS!! God will enable you, you just have to come to a place of realizing that you need it and cry out to the Lord.  He will hear you and come to your rescue!

Sidenote:  I also want to say a bit about those that I cherished that Satan used to speak the lies...Although their words and actions hurt me, it wasn't about me...it was about them!  So I do not take ownership of that.  My response is to realize Truth and move forward in that Truth!  IT DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME!

I have included a funny video because I believe laughter also heals a wounded heart.  :)
Click here for video

Stop it!  Stop beleiving the lies and move in truth and freedom! 

~kerry

Easter: a Covenant Love Story!

"Look toward heaven, and number the stars, if you are able to number them." Then He (God) said to him (Abraham), "So shall your offspring be." And he believed the Lord, and he counted it to him as righteousness. ~Genesis 15:5-6

So why would I start off my Easter blog with this particular verse?

Because God revealed something to me this weekend that I think applies to His very Death and Resurrection.

I think for the first time I was able to identify that I have lived my life pretty much up to this point thinking that I had to "act right" in order to keep God's favor.  I felt like if I ever made a bad decision or lost hope then God would pull away from me...He would leave me...He would be frustrated with me and disappointed with me and would wash His hands of me.  It would go something like this in my head...."Oh Kerry, when are you going to learn?  You think you can do better than me and you can't.  So now that you have chosen to not trust my provision in this matter, I am going to leave you, bye.  I am tired of you not trusting me!"

But this weekend God showed me something in His Word that revealed to me that this is NOT POSSIBLE!

It was in the story of Abraham and Sarah:

1.  God made a covenant with Abraham.  He promised that Abraham's offspring would be as numberous as the stars in the sky.
2.  Abraham believed and it was counted to him as righteousness.
3.  The covenant was cut by blood shed.  A heifer, a goat and a ram where cut in two pieces and laid against each other.  A smoking fire pot and a flaming torch passed between these pieces.  God initiated the covenant and took the walk of death.
4.  Almost immediately after the covenant was cut, Abraham and Sarah took matters into their own hands.  Sarah gives her servant Hagar to Abraham to bear her a son....and Ishmael is conceived.

Even in all this, God did not forget His promise nor did he change His affection toward Abraham and Sarah. He still wanted to bless them.  He gave them another son from their own seed....Isaac. And notice the order of events...God counted his belief as righteousness before Abraham had a chance to "prove" his belief.  It is not about our "works."

This means so much to me and is like an "ah ha" moment for me today as we celebrate the Resurrected Life of Jesus Christ.  His shed blood has meaning and purpose.  It is a covenant!  NOTHING can seperate us from the love of Chirst.  It is permanent!  Obedience for the exchange of a Christ-life.  But here is the kicker that I didn't get before......An obedient life doesn't mean a perfect life.  It is a surrendered life!

As in the words of the Apostle Paul...
"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own."  Phillippians 3:12

Was Abraham perfect in his acceptance of God's promise?  No...but he had a heart that desired Him. And even though he detoured from God's perfect will, Abraham is still in the Hall of Faith...as one who has gone before us and trusted in the Lord.  One to be honored and seen as one with Great Faith! An example to all!

So my challenge to you today is to live as one who is LOVED no matter what.  You can't mess this up even if you tried.  God's promises are as true in your distrust as they are in your trusting. He still has a purpose and a plan...He still will make something beautiful out of this....He still will be with you til the end....He still will be your shield and the lifter of your head.  Nothing changes on His part.  But you must change in the way you see...begin to see Christ more through the lens of TRUTH and not the lies of the Deciever!

Focus on His blood covenant today!  What does that mean to you?  How does this change the way you see your life?

It is so hard for us to recieve this TRUTH because we live in a world where covenants mean nothing. It can be hard to grasp if you lived a life where you were continually abandoned. 

But let me tell you as one who struggles the most with this TRUTH!  Once you get it....you will weep. You will weep because you can't imagine being loved no matter what you do...you can't imagine having a covenant partner who NEVER leaves you and who desires nothing but the VERY BEST for you even when you mess up! He wants to tell you today that HE is the REAL DEAL!!  His death and resurrection made if possible for you to have this kind of relationship with Him.  It is one like no other you have ever had before!  Embrace it!

Happy Easter my sweet friends!

~kerry

The Desert Life

"Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded.  For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told." ~Habakkuk 1:5

I came across this verse the other day and for the first time I understood it.  The thing that really spoke to me was the verse that came after this verse.  "For behold, I am raising up the Chaldeans, that bitter and hasty nation, who march through the breadth of the earth, to seize dwellings not their own."

Now, this doesn't sound like good news at first glance. I understand now why God tells Habakkuk that he wouldn't "believe if told."  Why would we think that God would use the bad to accomplish the good? 

Well I understand this now, because I  realize that the bad and the good work together to make us who God has created us to be.  The difficult times are the journey to making us complete in Christ.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."  ~James 1:2

We don't like the deserts. A place of uncertainty...questioning.  It seems lonely...it's a hard journey.  BUT just as Paul Miller says in his book, A Praying Life, "God takes everyone he loves through a desert.  It is his cure for our wandering hearts, restlessly searching for a new Eden...Desert life sanctifies you.  You have no idea you are changing.  You simply notice after you've been in the desert awhile that you are different....After a while you notice your real thirsts...The desert becomes a window to the heart of God. He finally gets your attention because he's the only game in town."

AND THEN....
"I will open rivers on the bare heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys.  I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water." ~Isaiah 41:18

The fire hydrant is turned on and the Lord quenches your thirst for more of HIM!!

This is what is happening in my life!  The Lord is putting his hand on my cheeks and lifting up my head, looking me in the eyes and telling me things about myself that are warming my heart.  It is totally contradicting anything I ever believed about myself.  He is affirming His love for me and His purpose for me!  He is becoming my wonderful sweet groom who totally adores me.  He is restoring virtue and dignity.  He is giving me a "beautiful headdress instead of ashes" (Isaiah 61:3).  And I am like a sponge soaking it all in.  In some ways I am afraid to come out of the desert for fear that I won't hear his sweet voice anymore.  But I know TRUTH....He will NEVER leave me or forsake me!!!  This gives me HOPE!

~Kerry

Choosing to SEE!

Most of you know that I LOVE reading books.  So today I went to Cedar Springs to look around.  For some reason I ended up picking up a book by Mary Beth Chapman called Choosing to SEE.  I had seen this book before and knew the story behind it...which is exactly why I hadn't picked it up before.  I knew it would be emotional.  I remember hearing about it in 2008 and crying then.  But for some reason, without even thinking about it, I picked it up and started thumbing through it and reading it right there as I stood in the isle. 

My heart sank as I came to the pages that shared about their son, Will, accidentally hitting his 5 year old sister, Maria, with his car.  She was running to him as he was driving and he didn't see her.  The details of the screaming and crying and Will carrying Maria's limp bloody body was more than I could bear.  The recollection of Mary Beth hearing the screaming and running out the door, rounding the corner to see the horror.  Tears were strolling down my face as I imagined it was happening to me.  Oh, the hurt of seeing your child's limp body and your other child crying over her.  I could imagine the chaos of trying to bring your child back to life.

Usually I would have slapped the book shut and put it back on the shelf before I would let myself go there in my head of visualizing the pain.  But for some reason I kept reading.  I came to the part where they were told the sad sad news by the nurses and doctors at the hospital that Maria had in fact died.  And this is what I read next....

Somewhere in the room I heard Steven's voice explaining to those in the room that this was an eternal moment, and how everything in this life really comes down to this moment for each of us. 

"As crazy as this seems right now," he said, "the only thing I can say to honor the life of my little girl and our terrible loss at this moment is to ask you, please don't miss this...we will all stand here on day and face eternity.  If you don't know the One who can give you eternal life, His name is Jesus...you need to meet Him and you really need to meet my little girl in heaven...she's amazing." 

Oh man, the tears that where rolling down my face at this point.  I was trying to hide them because I was standing in the middle of an isle at the bookstore of all places.  Everyone who passed me was looking at what I was reading that had me snotting so bad. 

The story itself is enough to draw the tears but it is also what my heart needed to hear at that given moment.  The Lord had just given me this scripture this morning in my quiet time...
"If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction." ~ Ps. 119:92

When trials and afflictions come it is all boils down to what you know to be the TRUTH.  I was so inspired by this families great faith and their authenticity.  They didn't diminish the fact that their hearts were in fact BROKEN.  But they also believe God to be sovereign. 

I can't even begin to imagine the deep hurt that goes with losing a child.  But I know that we have a great God who has come to bind up the brokenhearted.  And the more we put our lives under the authority of His Word, the more we are able to view things through His lens. 

Steven Curtis Chapman got this.  Even though he was experiencing great pain, he was able to see the BIGGER STORY!  Everything in life really does all come down to this moment for all of us.  It is about our relationship with HIM.  It is about living for HIM.  Even though we don't understand it all, He does and He is the story teller and will use it all for HIS glory if we will let him.

"Christianity doesn't deny the reality of suffering and evil...Our hope...is not based on the idea that we are going to be free of pain and suffering.  Rather, it is based on the conviction that we will triumph over suffering." ~Brennan Manning

Triumphing over suffering starts with being grounded in the Word!  Getting to know our Savior so well that when trials come, although still heartbroken, we can say....it is about YOU Jesus!

Oh how I pray that in all things I would be able to reflect a heart like Christ.  Not denying the suffering but believing TRIUMPH!!!

Steven Curtis Chapman with Maria

~kerry

LOVE

"Kerry, I don't think you know this...but there are a lot of people who love you," one friend said to me.  And then a few days later...another friend, "I hope you know that you are loved by a lot of people."

My statement back to them was, "yeah, I know."  But the more I think about it, I truly think that the Lord was using them to speak to my heart because HE knows that Kerry doesn't feel loved.

How could one go through what I am going through and possibly feel loved?

Satan has his way of digging up bones and throwing them in my face saying, "See, you are not lovable. All this is happening to you because you made bad choices in your past. Remember when you were 15 years old and you ran away for a week and almost gave your parents a heart attack...remember how many times your dad had to bail you out of trouble in High School...remember the bad bad decisions that proceeded even after you came to know the One you call your saviour? You are not worthy of such good things!"

 And sometimes my heart wants to chime in and say, "Aw, I knew it....nothing good would ever happen to this tarnished woman. Why did I ever think it would?"

I mean, I have walked with the Lord for almost 24 years now and I STILL buy into the LIES sometimes! This particular circumstance has caused insecurities to pop up...my past to haunt me!  And I just want to run and hide!

I was reading about someone else who wanted to run away.  Hagar! 

Brief summary of the story:
Sarai thinks God has prevented her from having a baby so she gives her servant, Hagar, to Adam to bear a child for her.  When Hagar realizes that she has conceived ,she despises Sarai.  Sarai becomes upset with this and treats Hagar harshly so Hagar runs away. 

The Lord finds Hagar by a well and speaks truth to her and reminds her of the bigger Story!

And this is my favorite...
"So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, 'You are a God of seeing,' for she said, 'Truly here I have see him who looks after me.'" ~Genesis 16:13

Such encouragement for this wounded heart!  "You are a God of seeing."  I can not hide from God because I was created by Him and for Him.  My life is laid before him.  He knows it ALL and He still pursues me!  He comes looking for me to bring me back into the Story!

And...Gently ever so gently reminding me of TRUTH to combat the LIES!  He says to my weary soul, "Look Kerry, I have created you for greatness.  This is just another stepping stone to get you there. Trust me!  I have something planned for you that you would not believe even if I told you right now."   

And then scripture comes...

"Like an open book, you watch me grow from conception to birth, all the stages of my life were spread out before you, the days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day."  ~Psalm 139:16  The Message

"I am the good shepherd.  I know my own and my own know me, just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep."  ~John 10:14

"Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you..." ~Isaiah 43:4

"...to grant to those who mourn in Zion-to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified." ~Isaiah 61:3

I AM loved!
I am known completely!
I am precious in His eyes, and honored!
This too will be redeemed!

So today the Lord has used sweet sweet friends (the body of Christ) to remind me that I am loved by many with the Love of Jesus Christ!  True Love!  People who see me the way Christ does and who champion me to be who God has created me to be!

Thanks sweet friends!  I pray that I would be able to encourage you with the same encouragement I have been given!

~kerry

New Beginnings!

Wow, where do I begin? 

This weekend was another milestone.  Moving 15 years of accumulated stuff into a two bedroom apartment.  The hard part was letting things go.  I just had to remember back 4 years ago when I went to Texas to move my mom to Tennessee.  We threw so much stuff away...my baby shoes, hand imprints (remember those), my old toys, old books, drawings that I drew as a little girl, all the nick knacks that I remember laying around the house, etc.  And what she didn't throw away we hauled it back to Tennessee....And now...even after she has passed away I am still going through her stuff.

I just kept thinking to myself..."do I REALLY need this?"  It was nice to have friends there to tell me..."NO!  I haven't even seen you use that EVER!" 

And TOYS!  Oh my!  My boys have way too many toys!  Where did I go wrong?  I gave the boys each a box a told them to take it to their room and put the toys they wanted into the box.  If it didn't fit, it didn't go!

I am amazed at how fast we got moved!  We have such sweet friends!  It took ONE trip...two flatbed trailers, 10 vehicles and a lot of LOVE!  I remember at one point when we were all packed up and starting the convoy to the apartment....I almost started to cry being at the back of the pack and seeing the line of vehicles pulling out of the neighborhood.  Such LOVE!!  It makes me tear up even now!

Yesterday was the big reveal for the boys and they LOVED it!! 

Parker and Tanner doing a dance.  The posters on the closet door are from their sweet freinds welcoming them to their new home. Thanks Sam, Will and Owen Utterback!

So here is to new beginnings and HOPE!  The Lord has been so gracious to us and ever-present in every decision!  He has provided in ways I would have never imagined. 

Thanks to all of you who have played a part in getting us settled in and who continue to love on us!  It has been a hard transition but we don't feel alone in the least!  We have a great God and wonderful friends!

But before I sound too spiritual, I must tell you that I am very much human.  I have all the emotions that anyone would have going through this.  I have my moments for sure.  But I also have a God who doesn't allow me to stay in those raw moments very long.  He reminds me of the bigger STORY!  

I don't know what God has in store for this little Mexican!  :) (I bet most of you didn't know I was half Mexican...Yes, I have some Latino in me!! ) But I can say with full confidence that I trust HIM with my STORY!  

So for now, I listen for His voice every moment!  It is crucial because there are so many voices out there.  Even my human nature is fighting for some face time.  But the ONE face I seek is HIS!

~kerry

God is Sovereign!

Circumstances!  We all go through them!  Some not so noticeable, others rip our hearts out!  The sad truth that I have come to realize over and over in my life is what Kay Arthur summed up very well in her book, As Silver Refined..."Life is fraught not only with stress and tense relationships and everyday disappointments but also with acute, piercing pain.  It's part of the trials and tribulations bred into our lives, like weeds in what would otherwise be a garden.  Pain is here (and will be until Jesus comes) because of sin and sinful men, and essentially there's nothing we can do to change that."

That makes you want to spring out of bed in the mornings doesn't it! 

NO!  But this does...."For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."  Eph 2:10

God knew me before I was even conceived.  He knew what He had planned for my life!  He knows everything about my personality and knows everything about my life...beginning, middle and end!  HE CAN BE TRUSTED with every moment of my future! HE IS SOVEREIGN!! He is Creator and Orchestrator of everything!  He is the Great Story Teller! 

I could feel overwhelmed by my circumstances and struggle with hopelessness, defeat, and discouragement but HE HAS NEVER ABANDONED ME!  I have history with HIM! Sweet history!  He has shown Himself faithful time and time again so why doubt his goodness now? (By the way, I have to remind myself of this daily...it doesn't come easy!)

Here is where I get real!...

There are times that I have thought that I was going to just die with pain.  So many things that the little girl inside of me can look back at and become bitter and angry. It took years for me to reconcile in my heart the fact that I had an absent mother and an emotionally absent father.  I grew up in a very poor neighborhood that I was ashamed of. I would always look at all my friends who seemed to have it all (nice house, car, family intact) and think, "what is wrong with me?" 

But I see God's Sovereign hand in it all!

God placed sweet Godly people along my path.  I don't even want to mention their names for fear that I would leave someone out!  They know who they are!  They are the ones that walked me through sorting out my past that was riddled with sin from others as well as my own sinful reactions to some deep wounds in my life.  They are the ones that invited me into their homes and  lavished me with great love that kept me coming back over and over again.  They are the college roommates that encouraged me daily with their walk with the Lord and their hearts for honoring Him in their relationships with guys.  They are the ones that invested heavily in my life to point me to Jesus. They are the ones that cheered me on when I graduated from college because they knew that I could do it and that even though I struggled through it...it didn't mean I was "less than."  They are the ones that encouraged me that God had something special in store for me.  They are the ones that walked through my dads death with me when I was 23 years old and reminded me daily that God would heal my wounds and use this as yet another stepping stone to becoming more like Him. They are the ones that encouraged me to stay faithful and not waver in my journey with the Lord and my pursuit for Holiness.  They are the ones that mentored me in motherhood and being a godly wife.  They are the ones that sat under my leadership (wow, humbling) as I mentored them and led them in Bible Study.  They are the ones that walked through my moms death with me and reminded me that God had redeemed a sweet relationship that I didn't have when I was little and encouraged me that I did all that a loving daughter could do to end well with her.  They are the ones that continue to pour wisdom, insight and love into my life as I walk along yet another tough road along my journey!

This is why I have such a passion for discipling young women.  If God can take my life and make it beautiful through using the body of Christ, He can  use me to turn another life around to pursue the Lord in ALL things!

GOD IS SOVEREIGN! He is not surprised!

In all the heartache and pain that I have gone through up to this point (and I only named a few) I am always reminded of God's character.  I know that He is All-knowing, All-powerful and Ever-Present!  I know that HE IS IN CONTROL!  Therefore, I don't have to worry!  I can just continue to pursue Him in His Word and allow His Truths to become the path that guides me!

It is HARD!  It is PAINFUL! But one thing I know...I am confident of this...I shall see the goodness of the Lord!

To turn away from God only leads to more heartache and pain, but to press into Him brings sweet satisfaciton even in the midst of difficult circumstances!

~kerry

Happy New Year!

Wow, as I look back over the 2011 I am filled with very different emotions.  In some ways it flew by and in some ways it seemed to drag.  One of the things that I want to commit to do this year, starting today, is to leave my baggage behind.  I want to acknowledge that I have it...deal with it...and leave it at the cross! No need digging up old bones!

Here are a few other things that I want to commit to as I start a new beginning....a journey through 2012!

1. Begin my journey with the Lord
2. Choose my traveling companions wisely
3. Place high value on Wisdom---seek wisdom and understanding in all things!
4. Take ownership for every decision I make
5. Embrace problems as a gift
6. Take life as it comes
7. Love God with all that I am!!!
8. Remember that no matter what happens in my life....I am still responsible to live a life honoring to the Lord and reflect His Glory!

I was reading a book that talked about the different seasons and it ministered to my soul.  I thought it would be appropriate to share since we are starting a new year.  Hopefully this will minister to you like it did me!  No matter what season you may be in right now we can know that we have a GREAT GOD who walks with us and teaches us sweet truths!

WINTER:  Time to clear out the deadwood, debris, and stones that will hinder future growth; to mend fences and repair broken machinery; to plan and prepare for the growing seasons.  Use winter to prepare...arrange schedule, set goals, research resources...

SPRING:  A time of beginnings and fresh hope.  You plow the soil, add fertilizer and supplements, plant seeds and irrigate.  You care for the fragile shoots that appear, keep the garden free of destructive pests.  In the spring of your life, you implement the plans you made in the winter.

SUMMER:  In the summer the fields are lush with healthy plants, it is a season for maintenance and protection of what you began in the spring.  Don't be lulled into activity because good things are happening. 

FALL:  You reap what you have sown.  You experience and enjoy the benefits of your work. It is a time of gratitude and celebration.  It is a time to give back to God and others something of what you have received.

I definitely am in the WINTER season!  It is time to start clearing out the obstacles that are hindering  my growth...repair what is broken and then prepare for what God has in store for me.  It is exciting because I know that if I am faithful to do the hard work now, I WILL eventually see the fruit! 

My heart is that I would not waver in my faith and that God would use this to teach me more about who HE is and what HE has called me to!

So as I look back at 2011...I can say... it took me by surprise at times with unexpected twists and turns but I can also say that God has been so sweet to bring perspective quickly and reveal truth and about Himself in the midst of it. 

So as I anticipate 2012...I can say...God is going to continue to show Himself faithful!

Happy New Year sweet friends and family!

A song for you....click here

~kerry

My, What a Difference a Year Makes!

As I get ready for Christmas this year I find myself in a much different place than I did a year ago.  As I looked back at what I blogged last year, my heart was filled with PEACE!  I didn't know what 2011 would bring me when I wrote these words but they have such sweet meaning today! 

Here is what I entered a year ago:

"For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government shall be upon his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." ~Isaiah 9:6

I came across this verse in my quiet time this morning. I have always heard it and even sang it a few times in Jr.High and High School choir growing up. But this morning a new meaning.

I was reading in Matthew chapter two where this specific prophecy (Isaiah 9:6) is fulfilled. A baby is born and the Magi come to give Him gifts and they bow down and worship Him.

What a magical moment! The King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Peace coming to earth!

But what I had never really realized came next...Herod sent out men who went from house to house searching for Jesus to kill Him. They took every male under the age of 2 yrs old and killed them. We hear a mothers lament in Matthew 2:18...it is Rachel weeping for her children because they are no more.

Can you even imagine? My heart aches just thinking of someone coming to my door and taking my sons and killing them right in front of me. All because a proud king, King Herod, refused to acknowledge a higher King than himself.

What happened to the Prince of Peace. Where is the peace?

Well...I realize now that peace is not in our circumstances. It is in our hearts!

Right after our Savior was born, there was pain. But after the pain, there is a promise!

This is Jeremiah's prophecy about Rachel's pain.
This is what the Lord says: "A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because her children are no more."
This is what the Lord says: "Restrain your voice from weeping and your eyes from tears, for your work will be rewarded," declares the Lord.
"They will return from the land of the enemy. So there is hope for your future," declares the Lord.
"Your children will return to their own land." ~Jeremiah 31:15, 16

God is sovereign. There is purpose in our pain. When you walk through the fire, He promises His children that they will not be burned. When they walk through the water, they will not drown! (Isaiah 43)

In Bethlehem there was weeping and wailing because of King Herod's evil plot to kill innocent children. But God has given us a promise..there will be a day when He comes for His children and there will be weeping no more!!! Praise God!!

You may have pain right now. You may be going through one of the toughest times in your life so far. But be encouraged that there is Hope! God is Sovereign! There is Peace! Peace in knowing that we have a loving Sovereign God who holds our hand through every pain in our life. He never leaves us! Our precious Savior was still the "Prince of Peace" in the midst of Rachel's tears for her children. He is ever-present! He never turns His back.

I need to be reminded of this because my heart hurts with pain sometimes. Sometimes I want to bang my head up against a wall and scream, "WHY?" In all honesty, at times I bought into the lie that I must deserve such pain.

The truth is...my life is simply a path that God has orchestrated to draw me closer to Him and the purpose He has for me.

So this Christmas I am reminded of a sweet baby, Jesus! But I am also reminded of the cross. And in both, we have a Prince of Peace!

These words are an encouragement to me today because I was in the midst of a pity party saying to God, "Why Lord?  Why such pain?  Why do I find myself facing another Christmas without parents to share it with and family hundreds of miles away and a circumstance that I feel I didn't sign up for?" 

And...He reminded me that in the midst of the pain there is a promise!  This WILL be used for HIS glory!  No matter my circumstance I will praise my GOD because He is faithful and true!

So even though this is a Christmas that is very different from the ones I have experienced in the past, I will choose to rejoice in the fact that we have a savior that cares about every detail of our lives and wants to use them to transform us into HIS image!

Merry Christmas my sweet friends and family!!
~Kerry

Transformation

One of the things I have learned over the last 7 months is that transformation is a process.  Whether it is physical or spiritual, it is a process and it is HARD WORK!  I never thought that I would like lifting weights but I do!!!  Someone once told me that women my age should actually be focusing on weight training and not so much cardio.  Now, I don't know if that is an old wives tale or not but I started doing it.  At first I didn't see the results right away.  Then one day...I started noticing that I was actually increasing weight after getting on a machine that a grown man had just gotten off of.  I started noticing muscles popping out of my body.  I looked at my arms one day and actually thought that they may be too veiny.  Never thought that before. :) 

My blog today isn't so much about lifting weights as it is doing the hard work to get the results.  It takes discipline and determination.  It takes time.  It takes patience.  It is so much like our walk with the Lord.  Sometimes I want to just throw my hands up and give in and just lay on the couch eating chocolate and watching sappy girly movies (which I do sometimes I have to admit).  But I know that in order to get the reward I have to stay the course and focus.  My focus is to be on the One who created me and knows me so well.  To be so in tune with His spirit that I know when I hear His voice...to follow His guiding and to TRUST His hand.  This doesn't just happen over night. It comes through faithful pursuing Him in His Word. 

In all things I remember James 1:2-4.  I love the way the Message words it...

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.  You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.  So don't try to get out of anything prematurely.  Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."

Becoming mature and well-developed is my hearts cry!  It is painful getting there but I pray that through it all my true colors would be an honor to the Lord! And may I hear Him say on that glorious day, "Well done!"

~kerry

A New Normal or His Story?

Life is ever-changing!  I am constantly having to learn a "new normal" it seems.  But what I really end up learning is that I am stronger than I think I am, I am very loved by many people, and I have the sweetest boys in the world.  But ultimately I am learning more and more how awesome God is!

I am reminded of the circumstances that brought me to the end of myself in college.  I was a wretched woman crying out to God.  And He heard my cry!  I pursued Him like crazy and fell deeply, passionately in love with Him.  Since that day I have been faithful to study His Word to get to know Him and learn how to live with integrity in this crazy world.  Have I been perfect?  No!  But my heart and motives have been pure.  My journey has been one that has been very painful at times.  Sometimes I even questioned God.  But in the end I was able to see His purposing in it all.  Today I will choose to believe Him to be faithful and true....not just because I have seen it in His Word, but because I have experienced it!  In every circumstance God has shown Himself to be TRUE, CONSTANT, and FAITHFUL! So today, I choose to believe!

I can tend to get anxious and want to know what happens next.  I want answers. I want confirmation.  I want a definite road map!  Paul Millers words in A Praying Life encouraged me today...

"When God seem silent and our prayers go unanswered, the overwhelming temptation is to leave the story--to walk out of the desert and attempt to create a normal life.  But when we persist in a spiritual vacuum, when we hang in there during ambiguity, we get to know God.  In fact, that is how intimacy grows in all close relationships."

"When we suffer, we long for God to speak clearly, to tell us the end of the story and , most of all, to show himself.  But if he showed himself fully and immediately, if he answered all the questions, we'd never grow; we'd never emerge from our chrysalis because we'd be forever dependent." 

I choose to stay in the story and to trust God to be my guide.  I trust that in the end I will be more and more like Him.  That is all I need to know.  The new normal is actually His STORY!

~kerry

REFINING

"Strange as it may seem, this disappointment is something God allows in our lives after filtering it through His sovereign fingers of love. It's something He has deemed necessary and of long-range value in bringing you, His beloved child, toward His personal goal for you-- Christlikeness and fruitfulness." - Kay Arthur in As Silver Refined

Definitely been encourage in this. Realizing as I get older life gets harder. The heat might get turned up a bit but it is refining, making us more like Him. In everything I cling to Him knowing "He is a shield about me, my glory the lifter of my head." Ps 3:3

I am also reminded of lyrics from a song. I am not sure who sings it but the lyrics are...
"I need you Jesus to come to my rescue. Where else can I go? There's no other name by which I am saved. Capture me with your grace. I will follow you. This world has nothing for me."

Don't know where your heart is today. But know this sweet friends, I have witnessed the faithfulness of God. And His steadfast love is like none other. He is my everything. Life is hard. But life without Him is spiritual suicide.

Thank you Jesus for being the light to guide us.

~Kerry

I LOVE FALL

Fall is in the air!!!  I LOVE FALL!!!  I lit my pumpkin spice candle the other day while I sat in the chair and read a book.  It was heaven!


A different season brings with it new life.  I am learning so much about myself that I think sometimes that my head is going to explode with all the info.  Sometimes I have to take a break and say, "Okay God...let me sit for a minute and process this, it is blowing my mind." Or like my little Hispanic mother used to say, "that just blows my head off."  I think she is right....my head feels like it is blowing right off my body sometimes.  :)


The summer was tough for me to say the least, but I am gaining my footing once again.  The words from one of my favorite songs came to me yesterday and I teared up a bit. It is called "Every Season" by Nichole Nordeman


And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn


And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring


The Lord has definitely been making me new with every season's change.  Becoming more like the Father in all things.  It is not always easy.  Matter of fact, it is during the most difficult times that I find myself becoming more like Him because I have to "take up my cross"---DIE TO SELF!  That is the most painful experience, dying to self!  But I am thankful for the change!  I am learning more and more that it isn't about what I "DO" or what people think about me.  It is about my heart and my willingness to embrace difficult times to draw closer to the Father!


I look forward to the Season's ahead!  I LOVE what the Fall brings....pumpkin patch, crisp nights, bright blue skies, days of cuddling up with a blanket and a good book, smell good candles, spending time with the family going to festivals and fun outdoors events, football games, etc.  And then Fantasy of Trees, Thanksgiving and Christmas!!!  I am so excited to spend time with my family and enjoy them during this season!  I pray, more than that, they would be able to sense the change that the Lord is doing in my heart!


Kerry

This summer!

This has been the most challenging summer ever!  God has been working on my heart in so many different ways.  I read this quote in a book the other day.  It describes my summer perfectly!

 

 

"...as you get to know your heavenly Father, you'll get to know your own heart as well.  As you develop your relationship with him, it will change you.  Or more specifically, he will change you.  Real change is at the heart level...As you develop your relationship with your heavenly Father, you'll change.  You'll discover nests of cynicism, pride, and self-will in your heart.  You will be unmasked."

 

 

I have been unmasked this summer!  I have been forced to choose.  Do I become cynical, prideful and selfish?  Or...do I get to know my Maker and allow Him to change me from the inside out?  The transformation has been extremely painful.  I mean EXTREMELY!! Don't get me wrong, I am still in the process and it hurts.  It hurts to see your life being turned upside down.  But then I look at it again through the lens of my Heavenly Father and I begin to see my life being turned right side up.  For the first time I am sensing the Lord doing a work in my life that is bringing about significant change and healing.  There are times that I fight it!  It feels abnormal!  It feels like I am out of control! And then I am reminded....I AM NOT IN CONTROL!!! 

I am learning patience, humility, forgiveness, grace, mercy, love.  All these things I would have been able to explain to you and even given examples of how God has been faithful through out every circumstance in my life to teach me such sweet things.  But this summer the Lord took it to a new level.  A circumstance where I could choose to be bitter, angry, resentful, prideful, unloving, vindictive.  A battle I still struggle with today!


 

But I know truth!!!  I know the grace I have been extended.  I know where I have come from and where God has brought me.  He brought me out of the miry pit and into a sweet relationship with Him. 

 Another quote from the same book....

"A thankful heart is constantly extending grace because it has received grace.  Love and grace are uneven.  God poured out on his own son the criticism I deserve.  Now he invites me to pour out undeserving grace on someone who has hurt me .  Grace begets grace."

 

 

I am invited to live a gospel life.  Christ's life, death and resurrection!  I get to reenact the gospel! It is so hard in the midst of great suffering and pain but it is what Christ has called me to.

 

 

"Consequently, gospel stories always have suffering in them.  American Christianity has an allergic reaction to this part of the gospel.  We'd love to hear about God's love for us, but suffering doesn't mesh with our right to 'the pursuit of happiness.'  So we pray to escape a gospel story, when that is the best gift the Father can give us."

 

 

Living a gospel story is painful because it exposes us and calls us to a higher calling.  It exposes our idols and reminds us of the only True Love---Our Heavenly Father! 

 

 

My life is being transformed!  My heart is growing closer to the Father and becoming more like His!  He is weaving a pattern throughout my life and as I step back to view things from a greater perspective I can see Him doing amazing things. 

 

 

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever."  ~Ephesians 3:20-21

 

 

My prayer is that through my life others would see our Mighty God!  A picture is worth a thousand words.  As you look at the pictures below remember that we are all in process of becoming more like our Heavenly Father.  This summer has been hard for our family in a lot of ways....but in the midst of it all we can say...We have a Mighty God and our hope and faith is in Him!!

Here is some of the lyrics from the song What Faith Can Do by Kutless
A song that has been a huge encouragement for me this summer!



Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

~kerry

Take up your cross!

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel's will save it.  For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?" ~Mark 8:34-36

Wow!  I am daily reminded of how selfish I truly am.  "Deny myself"...can I really do that?  That means putting aside my agenda, my need for justice, my selfish desires...ultimately...CONTROL!

This has been a very trying season for me.  I am learning so much about the grossness of my wicked heart.

I am learning that I am good at denying myself when things are going my way, but when I encounter painful circumstance, I run back to the "old way" of doing things....SELF PROTECT!

This morning the Lord has so gently been dealing with me and I sense Him speaking to me in a HUGE way and it has to do with "the cross."

The cross to a person in the first century meant one thing and one thing only: death by the most painful and humiliating means human beings could develop.  In Jesus day the cross represented nothing but torturous death.

Now, if I would look back over my life...I would say that I have taking up my cross and endured suffering in more ways than I would like to count...a traumatic childhood, death of both parents, infertility, financial stress, marriage difficulties,etc, etc...

But what the Lord brought to my attention today is the fact that "take up your cross and follow me" means being willing to die in order to follow Christ.  This is "dying to self."  It is a call to absolute surrender.  The call is tough but the reward is matchless.

Following Christ is easy when life is going smoothly but our true commitment to Him is revealed during trials. Just going through trials is not "suffering."  It is what we do during the trials.  Do we put our hope and trust in the Lord?  Do we put aside our need to take control of the situation?  Do we address the circumstance as the world would or do we look to the Lord to intervene in way unimaginable and transform us more into His image? 

There have been times that I felt as the apostle Paul did, "Indeed, I [we] felt that I [we] had received the sentence of death" (2 Corinthians 1:9).

This has been a hard season for me and there are times that I just feel like I am going to die, that I can't handle it anymore.  But the Lord steps in and reminds me, just as He did Paul..."But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again" (2 Corinthians 1:9-10).

I rest in the truth of God's word...He WILL deliver us! 

Once again...
The cross to a person in the first century meant one thing and one thing only: death by the most painful and humiliating means human beings could develop. In Jesus day the cross represented nothing but torturous death.

Part of being delivered is daily dying to myself.  And in dying comes LIFE.  May I be found faithful in my pursuit of the Lord and follow hard after Him.  And may I find LIFE in the most painful of circumstances.

~kerry